Click on the book to read Sarah Meets A Bully and Jenny Meets A Bully!









These topics are taken from the Sarah Meets A Bully
GrowGuide and will help you to understand and
face bullying in your own life.





Bully is a name given to someone who is hurting
another person intentionally. Sometimes someone
might say something unkind to you because they
are angry. That's not really bullying unless they
keep on doing it. If someone makes a mistake
once, it's good to be understanding and caring
towards them. If they keep on making the mistake
then it's time to take action and ask for help.



Here are some of the things that someone might do to
you that would be bullying:

Punch, hit, trip, kick, or hurt your body in any way
Take your things without you wanting them to
Deliberately embarrass you in front of others
Call you names or say mean things to you
Make mean jokes or tease you
Get others to gang up on you
Spread rumours about you
Pick on you repeatedly
Threaten to hurt you






Sometimes it's hard for some people to cope with
their problems and their unhappy feelings. They
don't know how to express their thoughts and
feelings in a positive way, so they act without
thinking or considering the consequences of
how their words or actions affect others.

People that bully normally feel very hurt, alone,
angry or unhappy, and most of the time they have
a problem that they need help with so that they can
feel happy again. If someone is being a bully it
doesn't mean they are a bad person. It just means
they are hurting and need extra love and support.

Bullying is never ok no matter what someone is
going through, and we should never accept being
bullied. We do need to try to be understanding
and supportive though, so that the person
being a bully feels like they can get help.







If you are being bullied it's important to stop it from
happening before it becomes a habit. There are many
different ways you can face being bullied, so in each
situation you can choose a way that is safe and
feels right for you.

Here are some safe and positive ways of handling a situation where you feel like you are being bullied:





For every action, there is a reaction. Every time
you say or do something to another person, they
will react or respond. This means that each time
someone says or does something to you, the way
you react or respond will cause them to treat
you a certain way. This means in every situation,
you have a big say over what could happen
through the way you decide to speak and act.

It's important to always speak kindly to others, no
matter how they are treating you. If you feel hurt
by what someone has said or done to you, then
you will hurt them just as much by doing the
same thing back. You will also hurt yourself
because you have acted in a way that doesn't
feel good or make you happy.

How you react to someone being a bully to you
can change how they treat you. Fighting back
could encourage them to be even more hurtful
towards you. Staying calm and trying to be
understanding towards them can help them to
know they are not alone. If you are calm and
understanding they might see that they are
making a mistake and stop what they are doing.






No one has the right to bully you. You never
have to accept it or allow it. You can be kind
and understanding without letting them
continue to bully you.

People normally bully those who aren't very
confident in themselves or don't stand up for
themselves. If someone bullies you and easily
gets away with it, they might decide to keep
doing it because you accepted it. You should
never accept being bullied by anyone!

Have confidence in yourself! Stand up for
yourself in a positive and loving way if it is
safe. If you feel too scared to stand up to
someone who is bullying you, then ask
someone for help.

There are lots of ways you can handle bullying. Different
situations will need you to take different action, so do what
feels right for you in each situation. Here are some ways
you can stand up for yourself:

* Ignore the bullying
* Tell the person their behaviour is not ok
* Ask them to stop
* Remember their opinion doesn't matter
* Walk away
* Avoid negative people and situations
* Stay around other people
* Go to a person or place that is safe
* Ask for help





In some situations you could try to calmly talk to the person
and other times it will be better for you not to speak at all.
Do what feels safest for you in each situation.

If someone is angry or upset at you, sometimes
it's best not to say anything. It can make the
person even more unhappy if you say something
they don't want to hear. Or it can lead to a
bigger argument or misunderstanding.

You don't have to stay in a situation if you
are being bullied. You can walk away and
go to a place that is safe or go to
someone and ask for help.

You could let the person know that you will
talk to them when they are feeling calmer or
you can just walk away and not say anything
at all. Every situation will be different so you
need to trust in yourself and do what you
feel is best and safest for you each time.





If you don't react and are respectful and caring
towards the person who has bullied you, part of
them will feel bad for the way they have treated
you. They will be left to have to think about their
actions. When you fight back, you give them an
opportunity to hurt you again.

If you act with kindness towards them, one day
they will think about how they treated you
unfairly and feel unhappy about their actions.
This will help you to not make the person more
irritated, and help them to be able to think about
what they have done. They may even learn that
hurting others causes them pain also, and it
doesn't make anyone feel happy.

Just as there are consequences for the person who has bullied you, there are also consequences for how you choose to speak and act in return. It's easy to react in a negative or hurtful way when someone hurts you. It takes courage and strength to react in a positive way and stay confident, caring and kind.



Remember that no one else has to feel your unhappy
feelings except for you, so it's better for you to try to
speak and act in ways that make you feel good no
matter how others are treating you.





It's hard to ignore someone's behaviour when you feel hurt by
the way they treat you. It's EASY to ignore someone's behaviour
when you don't feel hurt by the way they treat you. Learning
not to be upset or worried by what other people say or do can
take time and practice, but it will bring you a lot of happiness.






There are over 6 billion people in the world
and every single one of them have their own
unique way of thinking and feeling. So out of
6 billion people how could only one or two
people's opinions be enough to change
how you feel about yourself?

You could ask 10 different people what they
think about you and you will get 10 totally
different answers. None of the answers are
right or wrong. They are just different
people's opinions.

So if anyone ever says anything to you that
hurts you, just remember it's only one person's
opinion. The only opinion that really matters is
your own. How you think about yourself will
determine how you feel about yourself.

You are a beautiful and special person and as long as you know
that, that's all that matters. Let other's have their opinion, but
don't ever make their opinion your own. Let them see you how
ever they want to, and you see yourself how you really are.





If someone hurts you, it's usually
because they are feeling hurt themselves.
You never know what is going on for
that person or why they are bullying
you. Maybe they are having a hard
time at home or are feeling
unhappy scared or alone.

By understanding that the person bullying you
is hurting, it will make it easier for you not to
fight back and to walk away without feeling
hurt or taking it personally. Most of the time
when someone hurts you, it isn't even because
they want to hurt you or they don't like you.
It's because they are unhappy within
themselves and don't know how to handle
their thoughts and feelings in a positive way.





There is always a way of overcoming bullying
so that you can feel safe and happy. If you can't
manage your problem on your own, ask for
help! You are never alone and even if someone
has threatened to hurt you if you tell anyone,
there are ways of helping you and keeping
you safe at the same time.

Click here to find out who you can go
to and how you can Ask for Help






If you are being a bully then there is a
reason for it and you should be caring
towards yourself while you get help. If
you can understand why you do it, then
it will be easier for you to stop. Bullying
hurts you as much as it hurts the person
you bully so please ask for help.

If you can't find help then email

bec@unitingkids.com
and we will help you find support!

Your emails will always be kept private. We will never
tell anyone what you have told us unless you say
it's ok so that we can get you the right help.

Uniting Kids cares about you and wants to help you. We know
how hard it is to face your problems and we admire your
courage and strength to look at why you bully others.
We are here to support you every step of the way!



Here are some steps to help you find out
why you bully, and get the help you
need to be able to stop.

If you want to, you can ask someone you trust and feel
safe with to help you go through these Steps.




to open the pages you will need in Microsoft Word,
and print them out

OR . . .

Get two pieces of paper and draw a line down the middle.
The left side on the first page will be Step 1. The left side
on the second page will be Step 2. The right side on
both pages will be Step 3.






The reason you bully is because you are
unhappy in some way. So the first step is
to find out why you feel like Bullying
someone. On your first page make a list
of all of the things that are hurting you or
making you feel unhappy. Use a number
for each thing starting at Number 1.

Here is a list of some things that could help
you to find what causes you to bully:

1. Something happened to make you feel sad, angry or hurt
2. You are having trouble managing your unhappy feelings
3. You feel like other people don't understand you
4. You feel threatened or jealous of others
5. Someone has bullied or hurt you
6. You feel alone or scared
7. You don't feel safe
8. You're not happy






What do you hope to get or achieve through
Bullying? Close your eyes and think back to the
last time you bullied someone. What is it that
you wanted or needed? Think back to other
times you have bullied someone. Write down
what you were hoping to gain or why you
bullied the person on your second page.

1. Did you feel hurt because of something someone said or did?
2. Did you want to be popular, strong, the boss or leader?
3. Were you unhappy and took it out on that person?
4. Did you want something that they had?
5. Were you angry at something else?
6. Were you feeling left out?
7. Were you unhappy?

Close your eyes and think deeply about why
you treated the person the way you did.
What did you really want or need?

When you know what it is, write this down on your list. You might find that there is more than one reason. Write all the reasons down and use numbers again for each thing on the list.









Now you have two lists. The "What Causes Me To
Bully" list tells you the things that make you feel
unhappy. The "What Do I Want When I Bully" list tells
you the things that you feel you need to be happy.

Get the list you wrote for Step 1. Now you
can fill in the right hand side of the page. For
each thing on that list write down what you
think you may need to happen in each
situation so that you can be happy.

Now get the list that you wrote for Step 2.
Now you can fill in the right hand side of
this page. For each thing on this list write
down what you think you might need in
each situation so that you can be happy.






Now Your Adventure Starts!
Every choice you make is totally up to you so you
have the power to change how you think and feel
about all of the things on your lists that
hurt you or make you unhappy.

When you bully someone, it's because you
are feeling hurt in some way. When you
look at what is hurting you and find a way
 to overcome your pain, you can be happy.
This means Taking Action!

Your action might be something easy like
changing the way you think or feel about a
certain situation or person. Or it might take
a bit more effort. You may need to change
the way you act in some situations, or
change the people you hang around. If
it's a big problem you might need to get
help from another person like your
parents, teacher or a friend.



Get one more piece of paper. Look at your
answers from Step 3 on both sheets of paper
and write down the answer to the following
question for each one:






We want to share something with you that
may help you. The best way to get something
that you need is to give it to yourself. Nobody
knows what you want or need better than
you do. So nobody can give you what
you want or need better than YOU.

Here are some examples:

 If you are feeling alone, be a friend to yourself
If you are angry, do something that helps you feel calm
If you are sad, think about things that make you happy
If you want something someone else has, practice learning
to be content with what you already have
If someone is being mean to you, stay away from them
Practice changing your unhappy thoughts into happier thoughts
Make a Feelings Chart to help you manage your feelings


If it is a situation you can't change or do
anything about then you can find ways
to manage how you think and feel so
that you can handle the situation better.
There is always something that can be
done to help you to feel happier!









Taking Action will be a lot easier if you think
positively. Even though it may be hard at
times, change can be easy and bring you
lots of fun and happiness!

Now that you have your list of what action
to take, you can start taking small steps
towards it right now.

Make sure any action you take is safe and doesn't
hurt you or anyone else in any way. If you are
not sure, ask someone like your parents, teacher,
or you can ask your family at Uniting Kids on
the Uniting Kids Message Board.

Keep trying until you succeed! It's worth every bit of effort
you put in because in the end you will find that you have
gained lots of good qualities that will help you to be happier.







Don't ever feel too scared, embarrassed or ashamed
to ask for help. Everyone makes mistakes, that's
how we learn. It's ok if you've made a mistake,
you can forgive yourself and let someone help
you. It's never too late to change how you treat
yourself and others so that you can feel happier.

There are lots of places you can get help.
Here is a list that will help you:

* your parents
* friend's parents
* your teacher or principal
* the school counsellor or nurse
* family members or family friends
* Uniting Kids
* Kid's Help Centre

There are Help Centres for kids to find someone to talk to in
countries all over the world. To find your nearest Help Centre,
click on the link below and select your Country:

www.chiworld.org



If you feel like the person you have gone to hasn't helped
you the way you need help, then go to someone else.

There is ALWAYS someone who can help you,
or guide you to the right person to help you.

 


By changing the way you think and feel you
can be happier. When you treat others with
kindness and understanding you help them
to feel loved and accepted.

When you take positive action, or use positive
and caring words, you feel good, and others feel
good. When you take negative action, you feel
unhappy and sometimes others feel unhappy too.

You always have a choice in how you speak and act. So,
every time you want to say or do something, think first
about what will make you happier.




Do you have a story about bullying that you could share to
help other kids learn how to face bullying in a positive way?

It could be how you have handled being bullied in a
way that gave you a happy outcome. Or how you
have learned to stop bullying. Your story could be
about yourself or someone you know.

If you want to, you can leave your name off the story
so that no one will know who sent the story in.

Click here and follow the instructions
on how to send us your story.